如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹

至少还有你 - Super Junior M

When I blog, it's usually when I'm feeling terribly guilty for slacking and not doing anything or when I feel extremely accomplished. Right now, it's the latter. Studied Economics at Bukit Merah Library from 1030am, met Cheryl A. for lunch at 1plus, then headed down to Vivo to study somemore at Gloria Jean's. I finished studying everything! ... On the other hand, I doubt I can even remember anything I studied, but it's alright. It'll all come to me when I do the practice questions... I hope. Meeting up again tomorrow for full-blown mugging. (HEARD THAT, C? NO SHOPPING!) Puahaha. Then it's studying with XinMun and Tingg on Thursday and extended-family outing on Friday (Starbuck-ing with JY!). :D :D :D I will survive!~

I didn't dare to continue watching Skins after Season 1 because I was afraid I would be addicted and end up not studying. Bullshit, I'm sorry to say that I ended up getting addicted to all of SuperJunior's videos and completely neglected WonderGirls&BigBang. I've been watching videos for a few days consecutively, even.

Another random thing: I've decided to completely scrap MNU for the time being and focus on another Hate Me sequel that features Raylin and Viper again instead. (:

That's it. Stupid post. Hope I didn't waste your time.


 

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后 并没有更自由
酸酸的空气 守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局 像呼吸般无法停息

退后 - 周杰伦

Spent my time filing all my papers and doing my ELL notes after coming home from Clementi Psch's FA lecture. Considering the fact that my papers amounted to a stack measuring 3 inches, I feel rather accomplished after sorting them all out. The girls were terribly unresponsive at the beginning... But they got better as the lesson progressed. Still, I do wish they had been a little more willing to speak up. Wrote a little something. It doesn't make much sense but it has been ages since I wrote anything proper.

These are the books that I want to read:

• The Virgin Suicides - Jeffrey Eugenides
• Hairstyles of the Damned - Joe Meno
• Rant - Chuck Palahniuk
• Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
• Whores on the Hill - Colleen Curran

I. LOVE. SKINS.

Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I'll show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, have a nice day.

Have A Nice Day - Bon Jovi

I figured it was time to post something before all my readers run away and hide in an elusive little corner.

Today, I was out with Cheryl A. to Clarke Quay and Bugis to take some photos and get our caffeine fix (I think I may just convulse and die from withdrawal symptoms if I skip this weekly ritual). The sun was so annoyingly hot that I was hoping we could get the photos over and done with. The photos were -insert word that reflects :/ feeling-, but I thought C looked surprisingly demure in some of them. I'm going to get a shoe hurled at me for that. So, we took the bus to Bugis and my feet were screaming in pain. Plus, my lower limbs were trembling because there were simply no seats. The price to pay for vanity is a high one indeed. C said she saw two other people buying those heels! ARGH, NO!!!! But I decided to be an arrogant bitch and went: Well at least I know I look better in them. )<

Yes, thick-skinned and well-deserving of a slap in the face. So sue me.

And, there is one thing I want to bring up. After we got off the bus, we were walking towards the traffic junction. Some woman, whose nationality I will refrain from mentioning because I don't like generalizing and discriminating (I don't discriminate. I hate everyone.), sauntered past me with her bloody umbrella held precariously close to my head. I moved to the side to avoid the oncoming attack but because there were swarms of people waiting for their bus, I couldn't move much. Said woman pointedly ignored my existence (how dare she?!) and called out excitedly to her friend and hurtled towards the other woman who was BEHIND ME. So guess what? The fucking sharp ends of her bloody umbrella scraped my scalp. Very painfully, if I might add. I whirled around and cursed at her. She very obviously heard me, looked back, then continued to giggle with her friend. I. Was. Very. Angry. Very, very, angry. I'm so angry right now, in fact, that I can't even begin to attach a thousand and one vulgar words to her soul. Urgh.

Okay, I'm talking to Cheryl T. again. (Ah, the perks of knowing too many Cheryls. LOL. I still love them, yes. <3) Meet up soon! Must go on a date with Bunny soon too. And Valerie Gohhh, whom I miss a lot as well. ): And ShuHui/Winnie/Qinyu; we postponed our date since last November. And TiewTian whom I haven't seen since Advance NCO course. -.-
 

"A man out there is meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to. He’ll brush the hair out of your eyes. Send you flowers when you least expect it. He’ll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $8 to see it. He’ll call to say goodnight or just cause he is missing you. He’ll look in your eyes and tell you, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, and for the first time in your life, you’ll believe it." - Nicholas Sparks

I feel so sad. I want to cry. But I'm going to try my best. Yeah. (: Graceee, love you, cheer up. We'll do it together hahaha. :D

 

Sometimes you feel like everything is so foreign, and you feel so lost. You can't find your bearings and you can't seem to recognize anything around you. You don't know anyone because everyone feels so unfamiliar and your memories are so distorted. You can't fit a name to a face or a face to a name. You can't link actions to a person. You can't make connections.

Disconnected. That's the word.

I feel d i s c o n n e c t e d.

我好想好想飞，
逃离这个疯狂的世界，
那么多苦，那么多累，
那么多莫名的泪水。

疯狂世界 - 五月天

( Musings. )

 
Life is beautiful.
 

When I hear your voice, it's drowning in whispers,
It's just skin and bones, nothing left to take,
And no matter what I do, I can't make you feel better.
If only I could find the answer to help me understand.

Save You - Simple Plan

Overslept, wanted to go to school late for PE, then discovered I had a red eye. So, I will be spending another day mooching around at home... TRYING TO DO MY ELL ESSAYS&PI! No, scratch that. I will do my ELL essays and PW PI. In. Fifteen. Minutes. Sorry woman, I really didn't know there was house meeting today! ><

I have been watching and rewatching this video for at least thirty times since I discovered it. It's overflowing with emotions, so brilliantly choreographed and so well-executed that I can never seem to be tired of it. I cried when I watched it the first time and had that lump-in-my-throat-sting-in-my-eyes feeling all the subsequent times. It's that good. (To me, anyway, so don't bash.) Chelsie&Mark! <3 Although I would dearly love to claim the gay Mark as my best friend. LOL. It has moved to the #1 spot with Lacey&Kameron's contemporary dance to 'Dancing'.

Yes, I shall get around to doing my homework right now. Bye.

Sometimes I wish we had never become friends and remained in our status quo. And that you had never spoken to me. And I had never relied so much on you. Perhaps then it would have never come to this and I would not have such a hard time forgetting it all. But you know nothing. Nothing.

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal what we think and how we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?

Reflections - Christina Aguilera

Kelly Clarkson's 'My Life Would Suck Without You' is still stuck in my mind... After so many hours. So now I'm listening to it. Watched Confessions of a Shopaholic with Bunny today at Vivo - only crazy people would drink HL Strawberry Milk in a freaking cinema. Then Starbuck-ed to satisfy my cravings (DON'T WORRY C! I WILL STILL BE CRAVING FOR IT WHEN WE GO OUT!) and had a good long talk. Study date with Val on Sunday postponed to tomorrow so on Sunday I will be concentrating on my homework...

What defines me?
Every black item seems to be associated with me.
Violent imagery is so me.
Vulgarities are so me.
Ruolan and Siyao used to insist that my name was an adjective for  red&black stuff.

But... What really defines me? I feel lost. I don't know my real personality despite all the weird personality quizzes because I don't know when I'm ever real. Like, real. Not acting. Not putting up a front. Not adapting to the people around me. Just being... Myself. But that's the problem. I don't know what 'myself' is. (I guess I should clarify that I don't act when I care about someone, I REALLY DO CARE. But my definition of 'act' is... weird. Right, babbling, sorry.) Yet like Shakespeare's famous quote states, "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players." We're all actors, one way or another. We're all players, one way or another. We're all living in a drama, one way or another. I guess it just depends on what your personal views are. However, I don't know what part I play, what role I fit, what life I lead. I hope I'm making sense... But ranting never needs to make sense, does it?

Must sleep early tonight because I'm meeting Val at 9am. Bye.

 

Memories are just where you laid them,
Drag the waters till the depths give up their dead,
What did you expect to find?
Was there something you left behind?

Hemorrhage (In My Hands) - Fuel

Thanks to MeiLin (again), for this song. <3 it, but I'm currently addicted to Craig David's Insomnia... And thanks to TiewTian for sending it to me. It has been ages since I last heard it. Recently, the slave quarters we dwell in for the better part of our days as well as the staff it hires has been pissing me off. Why don't you cease being hypocritical people and take a good look around yourselves? Open your eyes wide, can you spot how many people you are irking and sparking off hatred in? And you, think twice before you use words loosely. 'Resilience' is, in Ariel's words, surviving this fucked up place for six years and coming out sane. But just barely.

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to blog... So I shall update little snippets from my daily life as though you really give a shit:
 

• One of my walls is now painted purple, courtesy of my parents after a casual comment from me about how my room would look nicer with a splash of color.
• I got a new table from IKEA! It's white and super pretty. <3
• I'm planning to get the black SkullCandy in June. (:
• I ran my 2.4km NAPFA today, and scraped by with a 16:34. I am upset because I had my first gold in six years before the run - AAAAC... D.
• Because I stupidly sprinted the last 100m or so of my run, I ended up with a headache that nearly killed me during assembly that lasted till 4plus in the afternoon when I was already at home, in bed and half-dead.
• I will be parting with $50 tomorrow for HCL O's that I do not even want to take.
• J.Phun said my article reviews are 'elementary'... and I agree, because I did not put in effort at all. [:
• Homework is still drowning me. I just finished my GP essay and am going to do my Maths Tutorial after this, followed by ELL. There is also Econs to be studied and I already feel quite dead.
• I found out today from Ariel that the Top Girls essay we had to write... was supposed to be handwritten but I already typed and printed it out. ._. I am going to pretend I know nothing.
• Clarine, I'm so sorry I forgot it was your birthday today. ): I made you a card!
• I HATE PW AND I THINK IT'S FUCKINGREDUNDANTANDUSELESSANDMOESHOULDJUSTABOLISHIT! What kind of shitty topics are these this year, man?
• Cheryl just told me TCC is The Coffee Conoisseur and I just came to the horrific realization that the place was CoffeeBean&TeaLeaves, NOT TCC.
• It's 9:40pm and I should get around to doing my Maths.
• I hate guys. Fucking messing with my fucking mind.

害怕的你不用担心
我哪里都不会去
唱你想听的歌曲写
你还没写完的日记

不用担心 - 柯有纶

I have so much to say, but nothing worth reading. Homework comes by the truckload now and I am floundering - but it's my fault, all mine, because I'm procrastinating and not doing my work when I should be. But no worries, all will be completed by tomorrow night even if it kills me. I guess I can really do things when I set my mind to it. List of homework in my organizer really turning me off. For once I wish I was messy and scrawled down the homework so messily that I can barely see what I need to do. But no, no screwing up of this year again. I must do well. Must do brilliantly. Musn't let them down. Musn't let myself down. Musn't, musn't, must not.

New story - Blood & Tears. Not quite like my usual highschool-twist-in-the-plot kind of tragedies. MNU has been chucked to the side without a care. Blood & Tears is my new pet project. Prologue already done. Chapter 1 shall be completed on Sunday - which is why homework must be completed tomorrow.

My class got our result slips back yesterday. Honestly don't know how, or what to feel. Definitely not the best I could have done - careless mistakes for Maths pulled me down three grades. Passed everything, but I had to, or I would feel devastated beyond words because this time I really tried very hard. But results are still unsatisfactory because they are nowhere near my skyhigh expectations - BCCDD. Not doing well for GP at all. Please understand that my results are unsatisfactory to me because I expected much better of myself and not because I'm completely ignorant of the fact that there are others who're scoring sub-passes. I feel for you, I've been through enough of that last year but let me be selfish for now.

Was unnaturally high a moment ago but now, soul feels detached. Not typing properly Don't know what's going on. Am still feeling confused/iffy about it and don't like that feeling at all. Enjoyed going out with XiaoLanLan/XiaTian yesterday. Movie was not enjoyable but was great to hang out with them again. Miss our (or their, really) crazy banter so much and miss acting exasperated by said banter. Haha.

Before I force myself to do my work now, shall end off with something lame.

Cashier @ TCC last night: -hands me my change- Your eyes very big and your hair very nice.
Me: Er... Thank you? -turns away-
Cashier: -turns to colleague- Her hair damn nice sia.

Thanks, I feel so much better about my hair now. No sarcasm intended. Honest. And yes, I betrayed Starbucks and went to TCC but I realized my mistake and am staying loyal to Starbucks forever.

Homework. Love of my life. Here I come.